May 31, 2013

Morning Musings: Beautiful sunny morning. Puppy throws up (at least in her create), probably from eating the sequins off my flip-flops last night. Where else could those sequins be? Granddaughter decided to just eat bread instead of cereal for breakfast. Daughter on freeway in heavy traffic to an appointment, gets cut off and almost gets slammed into by another car swerving to avoid yet another rude driver. Geezzzz..... BART has problems in the Bay Area. So, let's unwind by playing stupid, mindless, safe games on Facebook. I lost one. Oh well... Drinking the last of the coffee in the house. Need to go to store to buy more coffee and that  organic 'butter' that's supposed to be better for you than the dairy kind. I wonder if I qualify for food stamps at my age? Hmmmmm....

So, Lord, here's my day already started. I wonder what You plan to do with it. The fact that I decided to post something after all this time is a miracle in and of itself. Maybe that's what You had planned. That I just write to calm my soul, reach out, create, vent, muse.... (Jesus, take the wheel!)

Tonight is the church women's dinner. We're hosting another church & their pastor's wife as speaker. Should be great, considering over 200 women are signed up to attend. A good gathering for our little congregation. I hope I remember to seek out Monica, Shirley, Peggy, and a few other gals that I have missed hugging. Maybe even Karen will come from the other church. I could call her to see. Too early, I'll wait til later....

I think of my mom. My heart is soft, sad and a little down for her in that the dementia to her brain is causing frustration and anger issues with her. Now I understand why the sick elderly have to be sedated, mainly to avoid someone getting hurt. In her frail 93 year old body, she can swing a strong arm when angry and out of her mind. I'm grateful for staff members, even those in training, who have a heart of compassion and care for those with these types of problems as they age and know what to do.

Puppy is whining to get out of her jail cell (stuck in the kitchen), but I don't want her throwing up on the carpet. I have to watch for those sequins.

And help g'daughter tape Tinkerbell to her dolly stroller...

So goes my morning musings....

Marilyn

June 22, 2012

Musings of the Heart

The true story of every person is not what you see, rather, it is the journey of their heart. The heart cannot be "managed" like a business or a busy life. It is called by God for a place of communion. Our heart responds to passion: beauty, music, poetry, mystery, ecstasy, adventure. It is by the heart that God is perceived, not by reason. Proverbs 4:23 - "Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life." Guard it from hardening! Lovingly, Marilyn

January 31, 2012

NOT World Peace

No matter how deep my sorrow, how confusing my path, how afraid I am, or overwhelmed by life in general, I have deep, inner peace in my heart and mind. But I didn't find it from the things of this wonderful world, our beautiful Planet Earth. Jesus told the disciples to listen to Him closely and not forget what He was telling them. He promised to give them a GIFT - the GIFT of peace in their hearts and minds.

I can't explain how the PRINCE OF PEACE did that.

But He did and still does...

No matter what I've been through, the storms of my life (and there's been many the past seven years), there is always that unmistakeable presence and peace of God resting in my soul, cheering me on, giving me hope. I much rather prefer His GIFT that never ends. Even when the most awesome experiences, or beautiful or fun, or cutest, or breathtaking things of this wonderful world push to replace it.

Nothing can.

What are you doing now to find that peace? If you pray and truly connect with God's most precious Son, you will not be disappointed, you will not come up empty, you will be satisfied.

Peace to all my family, friends and readers. I welcome your stories and comments.

Lovingly,

Marilyn xo

April 14, 2011

THE FIRST EASTER

The priest steps behind the inner veil in the temple, lifts the knife to sacrifice the lamb on the alter for atonement for sin for the people waiting outside. Jesus, dying on a cross outside of town, cries, "It is finished!" The earth trembles & quakes. Startled, the priest drops the knife & the lamb escapes as the sacred veil of the temple is torn from top to bottom by an unseen hand. The way into the holiest is now laid open to the people. Just as Jesus had said, "I am the Way, the Truth & the LIFE, No one comes to the Father except through ME."

February 28, 2011

Starting Over - A Place to Fall

It was over 10 months ago that my dear husband passed away. At the time of my last post, we were cleaning out and packing up the house, preparing to move out of state to avoid foreclosure on our house. We had both lost our jobs two years before that, the poor economy in CA hit us hard. Dear husband became increasingly more ill due to complications from diabetes and kidney failure. I was unable to find work, as the stress of caring for him and keeping house and home together consumed my mind and time. Our plan was to move out, sell the house and settle down where our savings and retirement monies would go further. But God had other plans.

Wrapping up a person's estate here on earth is no easy task. Besides mourning their loss and missing them terribly, there's a lot of paperwork to handle and phone calls to make. I also had to keep packing and moving along toward the goal of selling the house. It was physically and emotionally exhausting. By God's grace, I was able to get through it. I praise Him for supplying my every need for help when I needed it most. Good friends from my church and my neighbors were willing to help me pack, clean, hold garage sales, take stuff to the dump and Goodwill, brought food, money, advice, fellowship, and expertise in specific areas to fix up the house to sell.

Our daughter and granddaughter lived with us, so they were also grieving the loss of "daddy" and "Bumpa". Our son lived out of the house and because of work and school, could not go with us.

Then we had to say goodbye to my son, my mom, my brothers and other family members, my husband's family, long-time friends, our church family, wonderful neighbors; a real heart wrenching time for all of us. Words cannot even begin to explain how hard that was. I lived 50 years in one city, my kids were born there.

But God...

He had places ready for us to fall. My family in WA opened their hearts and homes to share. I live with my sis and her husband on 5 acres in the country, surrounded by trees, very rural, not far from beautiful Puget Sound. My daughter and granddaughter live with my niece and her large family on 2-1/2 acres at the end of the long driveway. We are close by one another, but it is still hard not to be together as a family as we know it.

Starting over....

Jesus Christ, my Lord, is my husband now, in a truer sense. He showed me the promise in
Isaiah 54:4-5
"Fear not; you will no longer live in shame.
Don't be afraid, there is no more disgrace for you.
You will no longer remember the shame of your youth and the sorrows of widowhood.
For your Creator will be your husband.
The Lord of Heaven's Armies is His name!
He is your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel, the God of all the earth."


He is the one to whom I go for direction, for comfort and peace. He has never failed me in all the many years I've known Him. His grace is sufficient for me. He is ever faithful to ensure I'm still His and filled with His righteousness, comfort and strength.

So here I am, not my will, but His. Learning to accept His will, that sometimes seems a bit foreign, and to trust that He knows what is best for me and my family is an everyday discipline and choice that I must make when I wake each day and go to sleep at night.

With my husband's estate finally winding to a close, paperwork and phone calls less and less, I can look to the future a little clearer. An uncertain journey, this unexpected event, being single, alone, starting over.

By God's grace and in His timing, I'll be able to do this.

Marilyn ♥

March 14, 2010

How Old is Old?

I was searching through the (cluttered) mass of plastic bags of frozen food in our refrigerator freezer today, in hopes of finding some ground turkey for dinner tonight. I knew it was in there, I just couldn’t find it within easy reach. Digging further (I had my special freezer gloves on for that), to my surprise and embarrassment (there goes that word again), I did find the ground turkey, but it was dried up and funny colored in bags marked 8-30-08 and 6-09. Wonderful…

So, remembering my friend FlyLady and the advice of SHE, I attempted at least one hour of decluttering (of all things) my refrigerator. It took way less than an hour. And how old is old? I think I won the prize for this one. I found a juice can marked 4-02-04. No kidding! And it was in the front!

Friends, my pantry is next. In it is a mix of boxed food, pasta packages, bottles of this and that, Tupperware and miscellaneous plastic containers and lids. I’m sure it will take me not one hour or two but the entire day to clean, declutter and rearrange. And I’m going to do it! Maybe one shelf at a time. God help me…

Love ya all,

Marilyn

(not MaryLynn, no more alias, I’m coming out of the ‘clutter closet’ – ha!)

February 21, 2010

Some Progress, Some Setbacks

The week following the post about cleaning up my house, I did manage to actually clean off half my kitchen table, even though I wasn't feeling well at all. On the table was an old, large tuner and an even larger, old turntable that we removed from our old entertainment center so that it could be hauled out by the Salvation Army. Our new TV furniture holds less equipment, so those pieces had to go. They sat on our table for over a month. We ate on trays or on the other half of the table. I was sick of it. Like I said before, our garage is full, so I knew I would have to create an area to place those pieces and guess what, I actually did find a space they would fit in perfectly! Will wonders ever cease...? !

I felt such a sense of accomplishment that I started cleaning out a drawer and a cupboard and filled up a couple bags and boxes. My next projects were already brewing in my head and I was making mental to-do lists while hunting for more boxes and bags to fill up. I was on a mission!

Then, last Wednesday, my husband had to be admitted to the hospital and it has been crazy ever since, with me driving back and forth and nothing getting done at home. You see, my husband, who has kidney failure from diabetes, is on dialysis and contracted an infection from the procedure. He's still in the hospital, but finally getting better. One evening I was too uptight to sleep after coming home from the hospital, so watched a TV show called, "Hoarders" that my daughter had recorded. Although the people featured were extreme cases, I recognized and empathized with the feelings of the people that hoarded stuff and lived with clutter and messes.

So I had an idea. While my hubby is in the hospital, I want to attack the corner of the livingroom where he lives in his easy chair, and keeps his blankets, pillows and other stuff. He doesn't walk much due to neuropathy in his legs and feet, so he spends his days watching TV, using his laptop, reading, talking on the phone, or just sleeping. He keeps his cane, walker and booster pillow for his legs within reach. He also has a stash of sugarless candy and gum in an old box on the table, magazines, old mail and other papers scattered all over. That corner of the room looks more like a hospital room, so it is a challenge to keep it looking nice and clean.

I pray God grants me the energy and know-how to make that corner look nice, while also being helpful to my hubby. I need strength because I'm so wiped out emotionally and physically from driving and being at the hospital so much. But I would like it to surprise him when he comes home to find it neat, tidy and organized for him.


Mary Lynn xo